In the previous post, I reminded readers of the statistic that 70 percent of black children are born out of wedlock. Exploring that number further was Ta-nehisi Coates, who argued factors to “debunk” that number in his article from the Atlantic last year, which pointed out the number of unmarried black women has increased. He also noted that the birthrate of unmarried black women has declined as well.
The discussion of why black women have continued to not find themselves becoming wives can be credited to factors such as more black women pursuing and establishing themselves in careers to not having enough eligible black men. Regardless of the reasons, the black family dynamic has almost become reduced to communities of ‘baby mommas’ and ‘baby daddies.’
Serial breeders further fractures the black families, producing child after child in what most often times from varies women. This series of commentary posts was inspired by the three-part series episode of Iyanla: Fix My Life with Jay Williams who fathered 34 children with 17 different women.
“The only way you get 17 women pregnant is that you’re being irresponsible,” Vanzant told Williams during part 2 that was aired on Sept. 13 on the OWN Network.
Unnerving is that some men are unaware of the far reaching affects that having that many children have on an array of people, from themselves to the mothers and grandmothers as demonstrated by Williams.
“I don’t know if I can have a relationship with all of those children,” said Williams mother to Vanzant questioning her own effectiveness as a grandmother to 34 children.
It’s not about whether or not a man can financially support that many children but how effective a man can be a father to that many scattered children.
Said one of Williams’ daughters, “He’s a sperm donor.”
“He’s like a brother instead of a father,” Jay Wess, Williams’ son said.
The lack of black fathers is an epidemic and it’s an everlasting problem that keeps multiplying like cancer cells because men are spreading their seeds like their name is John Chapman, being reckless.
But I also put blame on the women who allow themselves to become mother Nos. 6-10. That is inexcusable. Women can not allow lust, infatuation, masked as love to manipulate their judgment. Women have to do their due diligence when deciding whom to have families with. Women have to make better choices when selecting who to lay down with.
“It’s a lack of respect of the women but what type of respect does the women have for themselves?” Vanzant asked Williams’ sisters before meeting five of Williams 17 mothers.
Sex has become an extracurricular activity. According to a recent poll conducted by Trojan, despite 80 percent of adults consider the use of condoms important, only 35 percent of that 80 use condoms every time a sexual activity occurred.
And because of these practices, our communities are suffering. The black family is suffering. Daughters don’t have a father as a demonstration of a man, sons don’t have a father as a demonstration of a man and all are in pain for it.
“We haven’t missed him. He’s missed us,” said one of Williams daughter.
Williams message to his children, “I haven’t honored your mother as women like I should have.”
We need to rethink our sexual practices. We need to reverse that 70 percent and that takes us as whole taking “recreation” out of procreation.